Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
