You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
