i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
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The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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