The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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