I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
