You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
