i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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