just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
