So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
