i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
