Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
