You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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