sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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