Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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