Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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