omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He passed out mid-signature
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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