these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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