went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
