I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
