At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize