O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
