He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Holy shit dude........stairs
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