Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
