I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
