I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize