Don't make out with my wife yet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
being pregnant is like rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize