I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
