I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am one with the molecules
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
