Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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