Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
PANTIES FOUND
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