If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
