dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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