i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
