You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
