I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
