i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
