I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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