the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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