3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
