butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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