Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
