I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
