you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
