I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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