If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
