They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
