My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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