I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Randomize
