WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
