He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
