Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
