remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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