Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
