Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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