you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
