this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
