Don't you send me to vm
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize