So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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