i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
