This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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