She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
