I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
that is very illegal...i love you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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