Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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