I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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