I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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