Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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