Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
