they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
