I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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