There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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