I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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