they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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