Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
