Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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