did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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