Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
